scary

I've decided, for at least today, that dating is inhumanly scary. Yuck.

I've decided to just be and spare myself suffering.

Saw way too much TV in Concord, and saw a marathon of 'make-overs' where they took these 20 yr reunion women and changed their clothes, their hair, their make-up. And what do I do? Go off and buy some make-up. I mean, I don't have foundation or anything. But wondering if I should try...but then of course, no matter what I put on my face, I still look wrinkley and old. That's the way I AM at this point. Seeing all this 'age defying' foundation stuff is sort of laughable, but I was buying make-up too.

I'm fit, and so I suppose part of it should be to look your best, and these women did look better. But it could have been the glow of confidence? Or blush? I find myself conflicted (again).

Rode errands for about 10 miles, walked the dog for 1 mile, but that doesn't exactly seem like exercise. Exercise is 40+ miles on a bike. Even when I rode with Nathanie on Monday and we did 30 or so miles along the American River trail, it didn't feel like a work out at all. Just sort of a nice outing and visit.

Eric did post a pick with me in DBC pics...I hate my profile! You can see a nose and a jowel. Sigh. Yeah, with this attitude, I should be solitary. Really. That is the basis of the disbelief of why someone would love me, thus the doubt I ALWAYS had with Nick. My own superficiality, apparently. I know I'm one of the best teachers, and a darn good parent and friend. That isn't based on 'looks' and apparently, mating IS. Therefore, I am screwed.

Prince

So I'm playing doubles. Dennis and I against Kwo and James. Dennis sails one over the fence. Most of the gates are locked, so we keep playing. I barely register a couple walking by, close to the high school building (we're on the end court right there) and Dennis says, 'Maybe they can get our ball.' I say, 'sure' and so he and James call out. They say sure, and the guy does this funny mincing step saying outloud 'ha ha ha ha' and I'm thinking, 'whoa. weird' and then the guy calls out, 'Hi Diana!' It's Marcus! Funny. ..thus not weird, merely 'Shambhalaian'

Why walk around the high school? Aren't there better places to meander with a girl? Just sayin...

Oh, and we led most of the time, they caught us at 5-5, then won the set 7-5. Dang. I MUST keep my eye on that darn yellow fuzz!!

Hills and weight and tennis

Hills are fun. Hills are easier now that I've lost a bit over 20 pounds. I can drop Paul on a hill, even though he's a much stronger rider thanme. That was fun. But I lose steam on those long flats with a headwind. That's when it's not so fun. And I think, 'shit, I still have 20 miles to go, and I'm TIRED and I wanna nap and my butt hurts'

Future vacation: Newk's Tennis Camp, and the I want to go to his Fantasy Camp with a bunch of the old champs. Woot! That would be fun. About 2K for a week, but it includes lodging, food, and 4-5 hours of instruction a day.

Can you imagine 40 years from now, hitting doubles and eating meals with Federer and Nadal? Kinda like that.

Gabbi started a myspace for me. Unfortunately there are very few my age, mostly the savvy young kids, BUT this way I can see what's really going on with my kids and friends. Especially after they move out. boo hoo.

Empty Nest

DD wants to move out when she turns 18, so she can share an apartment with best friend who is living at home with crazy mom and grandma. So, really, in 2 years, I'll have an empty house! It's kinda lonely these days with ds out on his own, and dd is out a lot too.
HOWEVER, I have lots of possibilities. Galdownunder, the ever interesting Bike Friday Lynette is going to 'rent' her way around, and even though the timing is off, wouldn't that be fun! I could host Shambhala practionars, cyclist that need a place to stay, it could be way fun! And interesting. I could work on my (hopefully) emptier house, and live as simply as I wish. I would stay in my tiny room. Of course, I can do some before I pay off the mortgage, most likely afterwards. Sigh.

1) Fix back room. Repaint, refinish wood floor, use closet as storage, but add a big empty cabinent from Ikea for guests, with clean sheets and towels, ready for whoever.
2) Fix outside on the side, with leak free/rat free storage, and extended fence.Probably 3-4K.
3) Empty downstairs into storage (or dd's stuff somewhere/anywhere but here!) and tile myself, like Pat's floor. Paint over turquoise to more golden wash. Change heavy rectangular wood table for round. Set up for possible retirement tutoring space. 2K (I'll do my own labor)
$$$$$
4) Fix dd's room as a nice sitting room with adjoining patio/greenhouse through french doors. Also replace all windows with double pane. 10K
5) Seriously redo bathroom, with a real tile tub, etc.. 6-8K
6) Redo kitchen. Open up with a counter instead of a wall, add a full pantry, open into #4 with french doors to extend my tiny front room. Have marble counters, new cabinents, refloored, open to downstairs with an arched space instead of a door, etc.... 65K

#1-5 are very likely. #6 if big time dreaming.