scary

I've decided, for at least today, that dating is inhumanly scary. Yuck.

I've decided to just be and spare myself suffering.

Saw way too much TV in Concord, and saw a marathon of 'make-overs' where they took these 20 yr reunion women and changed their clothes, their hair, their make-up. And what do I do? Go off and buy some make-up. I mean, I don't have foundation or anything. But wondering if I should try...but then of course, no matter what I put on my face, I still look wrinkley and old. That's the way I AM at this point. Seeing all this 'age defying' foundation stuff is sort of laughable, but I was buying make-up too.

I'm fit, and so I suppose part of it should be to look your best, and these women did look better. But it could have been the glow of confidence? Or blush? I find myself conflicted (again).

Rode errands for about 10 miles, walked the dog for 1 mile, but that doesn't exactly seem like exercise. Exercise is 40+ miles on a bike. Even when I rode with Nathanie on Monday and we did 30 or so miles along the American River trail, it didn't feel like a work out at all. Just sort of a nice outing and visit.

Eric did post a pick with me in DBC pics...I hate my profile! You can see a nose and a jowel. Sigh. Yeah, with this attitude, I should be solitary. Really. That is the basis of the disbelief of why someone would love me, thus the doubt I ALWAYS had with Nick. My own superficiality, apparently. I know I'm one of the best teachers, and a darn good parent and friend. That isn't based on 'looks' and apparently, mating IS. Therefore, I am screwed.