weight obsession

Last few days I've been searching for and reading forums/blogs about obesity. I think I have a skewed body image after losing 20#. I didn't think I was fat at all, until I saw that pic of me in lycra on my first club ride. And now, I really obsess way too much over food. I'm ALWAYS hungry. I'm hovering at 110-113. I still have a middle-aged tummy. I think I'll be an apple unless I get it to 107-110. But my legs look like sticks. I like that my arms went thinner, but my legs don't look like they could get me up Cardiac. I had trouble Saturday riding over to Solano Lake. I had no power. Of course, I'm still not healthy, but bummer.

So I read blogs of obese people that also obsess about food. I worried that I had another late night meal. But then I realized that it had been 8 hours since I last ate.

breakfast: 1 piece of cinnamon toast
no snack
lunch: 1 cup cooked broccoli with dressing, one pumpkin muffin with walnuts
snack: toasted pumpkin seeds, maybe 20, while I cooked.
dinner: 2 bowls of chicken chow fun, with (gasp) Chinese sausage (lopchong sp?) (YUM!! loved it growing up, totally greasy and processed meat) Also, a banana/strawberry/blueberry/soy smoothie.
late dinner (ala Hobbit): salad with Romaine, tomato, Kimchi, dressing.


Meditated on Sunday. Got lots of hugs, saw Lyle, Mary Y, Helen, Becca and Ramin, Henry, Bill. Carey was there. The Bill T. who's posted said 'hello' to me. It was nice. No Prince though. Which is probably a good thing. I really want to try Miksang, but I'll have to wait until after retirement. Maybe take it before my tour, and travel with a light weight digital camera, and have a Miksang travel diary!

So anyway, since I'm logging, this is my weekly schedule:
M: Spinning class with Brenda, 6:00-7:00. Weight machines, 15 minutes. (I totally forgot tonight! I guess I needed time off...)
T: Tennis, 7:30-9:30 with Dennis, Steven, James, Kuay, Carey, Katy, myself
W: Tennis with Eileen, just rallying for an hour.
TH: Tennis, 7:30-9:30 with Dennis, Steven, James, Kuay, Carey, Katy, myself
F: spin class, 9:00 -10:00 with Kady. Weight machines, 15 minutes. Pig out on chips/dip/sweets/wine at 'Pool Club' shooting pool and hanging out with Sharon, Alan, Michael, Rick and sometimes Sue.
S: bike, 35-65 miles
Sun: meditate at Center, 9:00-10:00. Work at Birch from 10:30-1:00.

In the summer, I bike a whole lot more, and skip the gym. Usually, 100-130 miles a week. Next summer, I want to make Cantelow a regular thing, and take on Cardiac. Really.

Got lots of great sock yarn from Knitpicks! I finished socks for Chariot, Emp and HP. Almost done with Jessie's. Need to still knit:
Socks for Mom, Marie, Trish, Cheryl, Meg.
Scarves for Sloan, Anthony.
Arthur gets a gc for Amazon.

Need to start on Kanga/Snow's payment sample scarf.

Ack!

touring on my mind

REALLY REALLY want to tour. Down the Pacific coast. On a trike. Ride from my door, up through Napa, up to visit Nick and Amy at Fort Bragg, then down the coast as far as Moro Bay or Santa Barbara, then take Amtrak back to Davis. Or something like that.

I think if I can ride Cardiac, I should be able to handle any hill. The trike comes after I pay off the house. In 5-6 years. Until then, next year my goal is Cantelow to warm up in March, and then Cardiac. Then get to Napa and around, with the club. Maybe in 2 years when dd is 18, do a summer tour with the club.

May or may not find someone to tour with me. And also on my upright until then. If I don't meet someone, it's a solo tour!!

so that's my plan, and I'm sticking to it.

too tired to bike 65 miles...

I decided not to bike on the worker's ride. It was counterclockwise around the mountain, stopping for lunch. 95+ miles from Davis, 65 miles from Winters. But I've been sick two weeks, and still not completely well. So I called N and maybe we'll just ride to Winters or Solano Lake on Saturday.

Played better. Steven and I actually took a set from James and Cary. 6-5. Then I got tired, started forcing my shots, and hitting long or in the net, and Steven blew some really easy volleys that should have been put aways, and we lost important points that way too. Another girl, Katy, came today. Used to take lessons before me with coach. Hasn't played in a long time, but is all arms and legs and athletic. It'll be fun. Nice to hit with someone different, and like Dennis said, I'm not the only girl. Although I like that too. :-). It's more balanced this way, and I actually get more competitive with other women playing too.

I'm going to get my hair cut tomorrow! Blunt doesn't work, when my hair is so fine and thinning, so I'm going for the short layered with long tendrils. Got lots of Japanese hairstyle pictures. I'm glad. I'm even missing Kady's spin class for a haircut. And I'm planning to go to meditition on Sundays too. Maybe one day I'll meet an appropriate Shambhala Warrior to be drawn into my life.

Still would like a trike to tour with. After I pay for my house, that would be a super gift for myself!!

Corner Marshall - do I get a badge?

Spent 4 hours on the corner of Vaca Valley Rd. and Pleasant's Valley Road flagging cyclists to make a left turn, and calling out 'Clear!' or 'Car on your right/left!' and so on. Got LOTS of 'thank you's' and 2 guys stopped to chat. And I knit about 4-6 " on Mason's scarf (and got it tangled around my vest/legs for a bit)

Got two tennis skirts from Tennis WareHouse. Only $17, and they're perfect. Maybe a bit 'hippy' but fun ball pockets in the skort part.

Been reading the 'ageless love' site. Really spiritual, actually. Since it is OW/YM, it certainly can't be superficial, but sounds like a connection that deifies convention. I searched and found it because of my experience of Marcus' energy. First the dream of three kisses. Then the comments from High Priestess, and then our encounters at the courts. He's naturally friendly, and if he were just that, that would be fine. But he's uncomfortable and sometimes self-conscious. And because he's a Buddhist Warrior, he acknowledges the shenpa. So I think he pursued it more, to have something to meditate about. He rode his bike by once, came back. The next week, he showed up (without a racket) asked Dale if he had one, and joined Dale's class. That was the day we were on the next court. (Dennis, James, Stephen, Kuay and myself)

What would I want? He could be in our tennis group too! He's a better player, and that would really bump up all of us. That would be fun. I'd like to be friends, just not sort of uncomfortable aquaintances with a mildly inappropriate ow/ym attraction...

Knitting away on ochre Malabrigo. Done with over half, minus the trim. I want to order from Knit Picks too. Maybe knit socks for Mom and Marie for Christmas. And I really need to start spinning Kanga's sample scarf.

tennis and knitting

Malabrigo yarn is FABULOUS!!! Soft, single ply, gentle variations on the Ochre I'm working in lace weight. Using the Oriel lace, with others in a stole. I remember the pattern, and only have to check myself. Not bad for a 28 repeat pattern!

Sort of struggling with ego issues and tennis. My competitive side and Sue and thinking 'I can beat her!' and having her judge MY tennis at a 3.5 from seeing me play two years ago. The guys say we're 4.0, 4.5. Where are the 4.0 women in the evenings? It's always guys. Mostly 4.0 and up. It's nice Carry is there. She's so darn cute in her tennis attire, I've been looking on ebay for tennis skirts and dresses too. So EGO is having me ponder on joining club play. Oh sure, and when would I have time for that?? Ultimate ego fantasy/daydream is to have Prince Marcus ask me to play mixed doubles with him. He has a way of playing where he's NEVER rushed...because he's a Buddhist warrior...

So I'm going to be a Corner Marshall the Foxy. Waaay the heck out on Vaca Valley and Pleasant's Valley Rd. (thanks, Prez) so I'll bring my black merino/silk scarf to work on of Mason's.

A bit of a miracle...I didn't know Woody was loose. I guess I never closed his crate? Apparently he and the kitties were in my room: but it was silent! Gabbi came out holding Woody be the collar, and I went in the room, half dreading finding bloody kitties, but they were just sitting on my bed, calm as could be...however all the kitties food was gone and all that was left was a slobbery bowl... so there's hope. True, today I walked Woody through the house to take him on his walk, and my kitty was right there, but Woody ignored her, and was pulling for the door. I find it hard to even believe it: consider it: think about. Woody is fine with the cats??!

Back to spinning

Both kinds.

Started back at the gym. Went Monday and today. Hard work! So I probably won't bike this weekend. Avoid the wind, cold, dark. I'm such a weenie. Go back in Monday nights and Friday mornings. Add Wednesdays if it's raining.

Note: Next year, suspend gym for the months of mid June to mid-September.


Gaining back my belly fat. Up 2 pounds, from my before bed 2nd dinner. Darn. No more 2nd dinner! (my hobbit side) I'm still at 113, but I was really flirting with 110. 107 would be awesome.

Steven is a Capricorn. James and Dennis avoided the conversation. Dennis and I won 6-4 after Carey left. I felt very competitive with Sue/Rick talking about 4.0 play. Sue saw me play last year at Rick's, said I was a 3.5 player. I suppose I could really be a 4.0 if I stopped making errors. I'm 4.0 when I'm on. But when I'm tired and 'off' on my timing, I'm a 3.5. I guess. I still think I could whup Sue. And Rick's still a bit of a prick, so I suppose I wouldn't want to play with him anyway.

So my paycheck is about 300 less than I thought it would be. Darn it. Interest rate on my HELOC is up to 6.25. Ouch. I'm determined to pay off $1K a month off the principle. I need to lower my monthly costs. Or follow through with the money I'm spending on yarn, thinking I can sell my lace shawls to the Artery. I need to try to spin/dye and knit silk. Use silk, cashmere, 100% wools, merino.

Maybe use up that yak down!! After the scarves for the nephews, I'll spin it up.